10 WAYS TO HELP YOUR CHILD COPE WITH A CHRONIC ILLNESS

By Britt Fishman, MFTI

• Do you have a child struggling with a chronic illness?

• Do you find yourself constantly worrying about your child’s physical and mental well-being?

• Does your heart break every day to see your child suffering from physical and emotional pain?

1.  Don't panic about every symptom. It may be difficult, but stay calm in front of your child because if your child sees you scared, he will be scared too. Then as your child gets older, he may not want to tell you his symptoms out of fear of worrying you. 


2.  Show empathy and compassion when your child experiences symptoms but be careful not to make her feel fragile or helpless. When your child feels well, point it out and make a big deal so she can see there are ups AND downs to having the illness-- not just downs. 


3.  Encourage your child to start taking ownership of his illness and start doing things independently (when age-appropriate), like making his own doctor’s appointments or preparing and following his own medication schedule. 


4.  Don't criticize your child for not taking better care of herself, “considering her condition." The last thing a child wants is to feel different from the other kids, then to feel guilty for trying to fit in (which is what kids do!). Instead, find ways to encourage and reward your child for making positive, healthy choices. 


5.  Recognize that stress can be a huge factor that can exacerbate many types of illnesses, and stressors for a child may be more difficult to predict or recognize than stressors for an adult. Even "good" stress can trigger symptoms because your child is in a prolonged state of excitement. Positive and negative stressors may occur around the birth of a sibling, the start of a school year, holidays, birthdays, vacations, etc. 


6.  Help your child find ways to discuss his illness in a way in which he feels comfortable, and help him decide with whom he’s comfortable sharing it. Discuss with your child different ways of disclosing this information. Ask him who he’d rather give a brief description of his illness, like a teacher or a friend's parent (for safety reasons), and who he can confide in about what it's like to struggle with the illness, like a close friend or relative. 


7.  If possible, offer for your child the choice to go to individual therapy, family therapy, a support group, and/or a camp for children with a similar illness. If she is resistant, don't push it but encourage her to talk about what makes her uncomfortable about it. Check in once in a while to see if your child has changed her mind. 


8.  Help your child find and nurture his strengths and talents, so he can develop an identity other than just "the sick kid,” which is how he may see himself or how his friends, relatives, and teachers may see him. 


9.  Acknowledge and talk about how your other children and spouse may struggle with having someone in the family with a chronic illness, being careful not to blame anyone. This could help reduce resentment and guilt toward each other and strengthen relationships between family members. 


10.  Don’t let yourself get burnt out. You’re no help to your child if you’re not sleeping or eating, or if you’re breaking down emotionally. Ask a close family member or friend to watch your child so you can have a break or come with you to an appointment, etc. This is a way to model for your child how to take care of yourself while balancing the needs of others.